At Reside, we strive to work with our clients in a way that encourages a positive perspective of life and themselves, independence, and a sense of individuality. Like anyone else, these can be difficult things to build on. Everyone struggles with these at some point in their lives, and sometimes it takes years for us to improve on ourselves. Well, our clients are often the same way. The process of improvement does not always offer instant gratification. Habits, good or bad, take about 21 days to break. The same number is applied when making a habit, too. I’m not necessarily the most experienced in life, but I know that looking at a lifetime will give you a bigger sense of accomplishment than looking at only a week!
Anyway, the point remains the same: growth takes time. Reside’s employees offer compassion and skills in a way that will eventually encourage positive behavior. Sometimes it takes a day, a week, a month, three months, a year, or even ten years, but through, as Rich might say, “compassion, consistency, and perseverance,” growth is inevitable.
To better understand what long-term growth looks like, and how it occurs, I met with Cole, a House Manager in our Supported Living program. During our meeting, we discussed the growth of a particular client, which he’s had nearly 20 years of experience with, and how his client managed to get to where he is now.
We met at a Mexican restaurant. While it wasn’t raining outside, the sun was hiding behind clouds and everything was a hue of gray. When I walked into the restaurant, all that gray disappeared instantly as Cole’s colorful personality lit up the room! We shook hands, ordered our food, and sat down, casually talking for a bit about how our day was going and picking at our burrito and nachos. After catching up–I’d only ever worked at the house he manages once–we focused on the growth of his client, Mike.
20 years ago, Mike would become frustrated and easily angered. When he wanted something, he expected whatever it was at that moment. Mike couldn’t convey his feelings to staff either, so the situation was sometimes pretty difficult to resolve. Eventually, Cole pinpointed the problem; whenever Mike wanted something, he was told that he could do it. Of course he can! But the problem wasn’t in the fact that Mike was told he could do what he wanted, it was that, whenever he was told he could do something, others didn’t follow through with it. One example Cole gave was when Mike wanted to purchase a movie. Staff told him that the next shift would do it with him, then the next shift told him that the next shift would do it with him, and this would go on and on. Eventually, much like anyone who’s had promises be broken, Mike was upset and there would be an incident. Following through is extremely important, and because people weren’t following through with these plans that would be made, Mike became very sensitive to trying to make plans. I think I would too!
Eventually, this pattern was found and the issue was resolved. Phew! But following through wasn’t the only action that led to improvement. Cole says that staff have to act as role models. We have to make a connection, we have to teach compassion, and we have tot do what we expect from others. And still, these weren’t the only things that encouraged Mike’s growth. The team working with Mike had to follow through, teach what was to be expected in the given situation, address any issues in a neutral area, not a private one like a client’s bedroom, avoid the void, because silence is off-putting, not comforting, and always, always, ALWAYS give recognition.
When asked about whether or not the client struggles with the same behaviors today, Cole said that it still occasionally happens. That’s normal. These old behaviors, as Cole said, served a purpose, and they held value to Mike. The most important thing is that we genuinely care about the well-being of our clients and that we’re trustworthy. Sometimes people need time to figure things out for themselves, and we need to allow them to have that time. Make a connection’ find shared interests, share fun hobbies, and enjoy life together.
Cole offered this piece of truth: people do things for two reasons, to get something or to avoid something. Even when we do something nice for others, we do it because we want to get that sense of achievement from pleasing that person. We tell lies to avoid getting in trouble with our partners (even if they’re only little white lies). These are normal, and to make things clear, just because you do it yourself, doesn’t mean that you’re selfish. It’s our job as staff to find out why our clients are doing things the way they are. it’s why documenting, and reading the documentation, is so important.
Get out there and CARE with someone! It will make their day, and it will probably make yours too.
